Dying matters…

Talking about death isn’t easy, but it matters. Often people don’t communicate their wishes, with their loved ones; because it is difficult.

Even when it’s expected, the death of someone we know, and love can be shocking and painful. And when planning a funeral, there are so many decisions to be made that the process, combined with the loss, can feel overwhelming. By pre-planning your funeral ceremony and taking those decisions in advance, you can help to make life easier for those you leave behind. It is important that we live for today and plan for tomorrow.

So, talk about death and your wishes for your funeral. Even if it’s just hearing a song on the radio and telling someone, ‘You know, I’d like that played at my funeral.’ Write down the details, keep an ‘in the event of my death’ envelope with your will. But most of all – even though people might object – talk about it. Make the discussion of death the norm, because the sooner we can get past this archaic taboo, the better and happier our lives will be.

To quote the death café founder, Jon Underwood, we need ‘to increase awareness of death, with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.’

Have a think about the following questions:

• How might it feel for my family to arrange my funeral?
• Are they going to be wondering about basic things like whether I want to be buried or cremated? And then also is that a woodland burial or not?
• Do the family actually know my favourite songs and poems?
• Do they know if I would like a cardboard coffin, a wicker coffin, a pink coffin, a painted coffin or a traditional oak coffin?
• Have we ever talked about it, however casually?
• Might there be disagreements among the family about what happens?

Even as I asked myself these questions, I started to think of a few other things to write down. What is that piece of music called that I’m always humming? Do they know its name? What about the people from different areas of my life who may have some useful knowledge or insights and who could give them a hand?

So, I jotted down my thoughts on the back of an envelope (literally) – it seemed somehow more doable than sitting down at my computer in front of a blank document. It took five minutes. And next thing I knew, I was adding some notes to go with my living will – another item lurking at the bottom of my own ‘To Do’ list.

Recording Funeral wishes

My approach to recording funeral wishes is similar to the way I work with families after the death of a loved one. One key difference is that I am able to gather most of the required information from the person for whom the ceremony will be held.

During our discussion about funeral wishes I will talk to you about the format and content of the ceremony you would like to have, this will include:

• Your preference ~ burial or cremation
• Your life story and anecdotes you would like to share
• Which poems or readings (if any) should be read
• What music should be played (if any) ~ usually three pieces
• Who you would like to be involved
• Dress code (if any) ~ wear pink/blue/a football shirt
• Symbolic acts – such as a tree-planting or the scattering of your ashes

Your wishes will be recorded and securely stored.

As a celebrant, I am able to bring life experience, professionalism, personality and empathy to support you through this process. I will also be the celebrant that will officiate at the funeral or memorial service. If unfortunately, I am unable to do so for whatever reason; as always, there is a strong network of celebrants to call upon.

Clear instructions can ease the burden on loved ones. 

Please contact me if I can help you with your funeral wishes.