October 2022

Tribute Writing

Why it is so important to write a good tribute

For many families, the tribute is perhaps the most important part of the funeral ceremony. Tributes can be short or long and can be delivered by family members or friends  or by the celebrant – or indeed a combination of both.  A few words from a grandchild or a short humorous poem read by a close friend can be just as meaningful and uplifting as a very long speech. The essential aspect of a tribute is that it manages to convey something of the essential nature of the person who has died

A large part of my role as a celebrant is putting together a longer piece (around ten minutes). I refer to this as an extended tribute or ‘Life story’.  I do this by spending a couple of hours with the family members where I will listen to the story of the person who has died. This will include such things as education, occupation, travel and pastimes. Although I start by looking at a chronology of the life, there will often be divergences where anecdotes and interesting snippets are shared between family members. These divergences or ‘Tangents’, are often the most important part of the session. My aim ultimately will be to capture the truth of someone’s life: what they were really like, what were they proud of and how will people really remember them.  Although the meeting with family members comes at a very traumatic and raw time for them, I genuinely feel that this session can be of help to bereaved families as they are able to talk freely about the person they have lost.

I always ensure that the main family member (usually the next of kin) has plenty of time to read the finished life story and ensure that they are happy for this to be read during the ceremony .

I have always enjoyed writing, but writing a tribute for the family of someone who has died is both a huge responsibility and a privilege. Each life is unique and I have come to know through my role as a celebrant that each life is also rich and fascinating.

I ask for feedback after conducting the ceremony and the best responses I have are when a family member or friend says … ‘I felt like you must have known him for years’, or ‘You described her life so well’.  Our memories of someone live in us for years after that person has died. This is why a good tribute is so important.