Posted December 2022

Have you ever tried to list your favourite pieces of music? Have you ever imagined that you are appearing on Desert Island Discs and you are limited to select only eight? I am sure the guests of Desert Island Discs must agonise over their choices. But why is it so difficult?

The answer is perhaps because it is so personal. Before the days of digital music and streaming, we would all display our record/tape/CD collections on the shelves of our living rooms.  A five minute scan of a friend’s collection would leave us all with the feeling that we now knew something about their personality. Our music choices say so much about us and we all want to create the right impression so choosing a three or four minute song or piece of music – easy in theory – becomes somehow so much more difficult. And perhaps even more difficult when we are choosing the music for a loved one’s funeral ceremony.

I am often asked by family members whether a particular piece of music would be appropriate. The answer almost always is yes! If the person who has died would have liked the choice then that is a good choice to make. There is no right or wrong type of music and it does not have to be classical or sombre (unless of course that was what the person would have wanted). I conducted one service in memory of a young woman whose happiest times had been when riding her motorbike.  ‘Bat out of hell’, was chosen as the last piece of music. As Meatloaf blasted out the song, mourners left the chapel with a mixture of smiles and tears as they remembered this lovely lady at her happiest – a very fitting tribute.

Often, choices may not seem to make sense, a rap song may played for a lover of the classics because this was the song he loved to listen to his child singing for example. And often people will choose a hymn for a non – religious person whose happiest memories were of singing with friends at school. All of our influences come together when we try to make these important decisions.

‘I did it my way’, and ‘Simply the best’, are two very popular songs played at funeral ceremonies, both carry a strong message about the person who has died.

I will always try to help the family, but in my experience, by family members discussing options, the most ‘fitting’ choices are eventually made.