How do we know which poems to choose?

In this short post, I look at why we might choose a poem for a funeral and what type of poem may be suitable. I have provided some examples of popular poems (In brackets) and would be more than  happy to advise on a poem should anyone wish to give me a call.

I wonder how many of us read a poem more than two or three times a year. I would guess that most of us do not.  Why is it then that most people include at least one poem, and often two or three in a funeral ceremony for a relative or friend? I suppose that the answer is that a well crafted poem can say so much more about our deepest thoughts about a person and how we would like them to be remembered.

It can be daunting for the family to have to express their thoughts of what their loved one meant to them. As a celebrant, part of my role is to help the family express their thoughts and arrive at a fitting tribute; a tribute that is true to the person who has passed away. A tribute will usually look at the chronology of a person’s life, important life events such as education, career and relationships and the type of person they were. (See  my previous post on writing a tribute).  A poem can add to the tribute by providing a deeper sense of what the death of the person means to those mourning him/her.

A good poem can say so much more than the few verses of words it actually is on the page: It can ask mourners to remember the good times and smile rather than be mournful (‘S/he is gone’ – for example). It can help de mystify and take away some of the fear of death (‘Death is nothing at all’ – for example). It can remind us all that although the physical person is no longer with us, their memories continue to live on, indeed, they live on, as everything does on some level, in nature (‘Do not stand at my grave and weep’ – for example). Poetry does not have to be ancient or difficult to understand – indeed some of the finest poems about death are very accessible. Nor does it have to be sombre in its tone (‘If I should go’ – Joyce Grenfell – for example).  And you can find poems for most subject areas – from football to Mountaineering, bus driving to accountancy, after spending a few minutes on Google. As with music, there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ poem, only what would be suitable.

I was conducting a funeral service recently  and had shared lots of suggestions for poems with the family who were struggling to make a choice. Eventually one family member handed me a poem written by the relative who had died.  They had no idea that he was a writer and had discovered the piece by chance. The poem was perfect. It is always very special to use a poem or some words written by a relative or friend during a ceremony. A finely crafted lengthy piece or a few words from a grandchild – it doesn’t matter, what matters is that it is personal and heart felt.