Many moons ago, Arabella, Claire and I met in a noisy bar near Liverpool Street Station

to begin to plan for their wedding.  On Saturday it all came together like a dream.

The family home is a Grade II listed building, built in 1607.   The garden is acres of lawn and woodland. And in a woodland glade where we held the ceremony – the walk through the woods was strewn with flower petals and marked by glass jars containing wild flowers. The ceremony site was at the edge of the wood with beautiful trees which umrella’d an arch decorated with flowers and ivy and from the trees hung white origami birds and white paper lanterns  https://www.youtube.com/upload  .  It was perfect.

Freddie and Gavin played the guests in with ‘Teddy Bear’s Picnic’ then Arabella walked in with her dad, followed by Claire and her dad.  We had already clocked the lachrymose ability of Claire and her family and so there were plenty of tissues to hand!  We had very special readings – a poem read by Claire’s mum, a reading from Terry Goodchild and Philip Pullman and by Amber and Andrew and another read by Freddie.

As part of getting to know the couple I often ask them (separately and by email) what they love about their partner.  Arabella and Claire’s responses were so personal and moving,  that it seemed right that they read them to one another.  Not a dry eye in the house!

We finished, after signing the certificate, with a 50′ confetti shower as the couple walked through their guests who were lined up back to the path leading through the woods.

The setting was perfect and the wedding was declared perfect by the brides and by the guests.  The only exception to the perfection was my toe – and thus the shoes were abandoned as soon as the ceremony was finished – but the less said about my toe the better!

If you’d like to hear the brides talk about their ceremony, click here https://youtu.be/wbbbiHjOuN8 and here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmMcAbkrVn4&feature=youtu.be

and a guest   ……..   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2b63nPcNTw&feature=youtu.be  and the photographers  http://www.rolandblunk.com   who were a joy to work with  ….  https://youtu.be/uJ_LSVSYvdI

I often meet with couples who, although they have chosen a Humanist ceremony because they do not want to feel constrained by protocol or custom, are cautious about what I call ‘breaking out’.

This is why meetings with couples, phone calls and Skype are so important during the pre-ceremony period.  They have the opportunity to get to the nub of what they really want. Not what they have seen before. Or what they think their parents want or their friends expect. Not feeling compelled to conform to a stereotype, nor stay with what feels comfortable because it is familiar.

Last time I met Wil and Angie it was in a bar near Liverpool Street in February.  Since then we have emailed regularly and their ideas have become more concrete.  Today at the magnificent venue which is the magnificent Arts and Crafts Voewood House near Holt, we walked through a number of choices and had the time and space to actually check out what it felt like.  I could see their imagination was firing and they really began to believe that

• they really did have choice
• they really could have out-there and intimate in the same ceremony
• they really would be able to create what was in their heads
• they really can have their wedding, their way

We walked in the garden, through the roses, round the fountain, in the music room. We sat on the terrace, looked at the stairs and the trip hazards, the light and the space. We talked about music, and readings, and including all the people who are most important to them.  We imagined distance, closeness and perspective.

All the time I wanted them to know that their ceremony would be theirs, not mine, or a pastiche of someone else’s; that I would write a personal and authentic ceremony so that people recognised them in it; that we would create an expansive embrace for everyone, but also an intimate and personal space within, for them as a couple.

This is what happens when we plan a ceremony together.

This year has been a busy year for weddings, vow renewals, babies and wedding enquiries.  Already the bookings are coming in for 2019, I have weddings through to the end of November, including one at my favourite venue Voewood House.

As always there are lots of questions from couples –

can we get married on a boat

could we have the ceremony at home

can we livestream the ceremony to my mum who is poorly and won’t be there

do we have to get married in a Register Office

do we have to exchange rings

we are a gay couple, how can our ceremony help our family to understand why we are so committed to one another

can I write my own vows

The answers to these questions are :  yes you can have a ceremony on a boat (though the size of the boat might make a difference to how many guests you invite);.

Of course you can have your ceremony at home – more than 50% of my weddings this year are either in the couple’s garden or in the garden of a parent or relative;.

Yes of course you can livestream the ceremony – it’s your wedding and you make the choices.  My only caveat is to check the reliability of whoever is doing it and to double check the wifi signal!.

You can choose to have a brief (and very cheap) legal ceremony at the Register Office with two witnesses before or after your Humanist ceremony. This way you do not have to have a Registrar who does not know you, conduct the whole wedding ceremony. About 50% of my couples do this.  To the other 50% it is not important to them.  We are still waiting for Humanist ceremonies to be legalised in England and Wales as they are already in Scotland, Northern Ireland, Jersey and Guernsey – did you know that 70% of all weddings in Scotland are Humanist weddings? If you are thinking about having a Register Office ceremony you may not know that you do not have to exchange rings there – you can do this in your Humanist ceremony.

Humanist ceremonies are about your wedding, your way. The joy of choosing a Humanist approach is that I will work with you over a number of weeks and write a magical ceremony that has a shape, is rich with symbol and meaning, is based on who you are as a couple, and includes the music and readings and people you choose.

Gay or straight, if you love one another then that’s the most important thing;  Humanist ceremonies are flexible and guided by what you want.  All you need to do is email me and we can get that conversation started!

What have I learned from this year’s weddings thus far?

Remaining calm and flexible is the best gift I can give a couple on their wedding day.

The start time is the start time – but the start time is not necessarily the time that is written on the programme!

Dogs, cats and horses are important members of the family and finding ways to include them in the ceremony has resulted in lots of fun.

Using rich expressions through symbols rather than words – such as handfasting and lighting family candles – are very powerful methods of engaging wider family members and bringing them into the circle.

Injecting humour into a ceremony is just as important as the solemn moments.

The elderly parents of couples marrying later in life, often appear fragile and sometimes are marginal to the ceremony,  but they have enormous wisdom and charm and finding a way of including them is magical.

Do-it-yourself weddings are very labour intensive; the relationship between couple and celebrant can help smooth the path and iron out those last-minute glitches – such as having a plan for what to do if it rains and you’ve set your heart on an outdoor ceremony!

Finally, frail love tokens are as meaningful as powerful words.

I love my role as a celebrant. Next to my husband, my children and my grandchildren it is the greatest joy and a huge privilege.