Your funeral, your words, your way: a personal farewell

A funeral should tell the truth about a life, not follow a script. As an award-winning celebrant with over 10 years’ experience, I create bespoke, non-religious funeral and celebration of life ceremonies that genuinely reflect who someone was, whether that’s a traditional funeral, a woodland burial, or a memorial held weeks after a private cremation.

If you’re looking for a bilingual French-English ceremony, or a service that weaves together different cultures, faiths and traditions within one family, we’ll find the right balance together.

There’s no set form of words here, just a ceremony that sounds like them.

Some comments about funerals I have lead:

Stephanie is amazing! She listened and carefully crafted a wonderful ceremony that was exactly what we wanted. She also led the ceremony with professionalism and helped us every step of the way to celebrate the life of our mother!

I’d like to thank you very much indeed for the excellent work that you put into […] such a very special tribute to the life of my dearest sister. I very much appreciate how much thought and effort went into the wonderful words you wrote […]. You made it feel like a dignified and very loving event for us all and that meant a lot.

How lucky we were to have found you Stephanie! Thoughtful, professional, kind, funny. Can’t recommend highly enough.

My role: crafting a fitting farewell

1. Getting in touch

Most families are introduced to me through their funeral director, who will pass on my details once you’re ready. I’ll usually call or email to introduce myself and arrange a time to talk.

If you’ve found me directly, the same applies, just get in touch and we’ll take it from there.

2. Writing the Ceremony

I’ll send you some questions beforehand to get you thinking about the person who died and what you want from the ceremony. We’ll then meet, either face to face or online, whichever is more convenient.  We will talk through their life, look at photos, and discuss the music, readings, and other elements that mattered to them.  If there’s anyone else you feel I should speak to, I contact them as well.

After our meeting I’ll write a draft script and send it to you for review, we’ll go back and forth until you’re happy to approve it.  It’s really important to me that you are happy with what will be said – if there’s something not quite right, I want to know about it.

3. On the Day

I arrive in good time to meet you outside the chapel, liaise with the funeral director, venue or crematorium staff, and make sure everyone involved (readers, family, friends) knows what to expect and feels supported.  I’m ready to step in if needed during the ceremony as well.

Afterwards, I’ll provide you with a presentation copy of the script to keep.

4. Practicalities

• Fees: My fee is £300, which covers a standard ceremony. I’m happy to accommodate longer ceremonies, please get in touch to discuss.
• Languages: I am experienced in writing bilingual French-English ceremonies and am happy to write fully in French, in a mix of both languages, or weave in key moments in French for guests who need it, whichever feels right for your family and guests.
• Travel: I’m based in London and can travel to crematoria and venues across the city and beyond.  For funerals and memorials outside of London, please get in touch for a bespoke quote.

Frequently asked questions

The person who died wasn’t religious, but some of our family are. Can we still have a Humanist ceremony?

Yes. A Humanist funeral focuses on the person who died, the life they led, and the relationships they forged. It’s a non-religious ceremony, but that doesn’t mean it excludes people of faith. Funerals are as much for the living as for the person who died, and I’ll work with you to make sure everyone present feels included.

What is the difference between a funeral, a memorial, and a celebration of life?

These terms can overlap, which can be confusing. A funeral typically takes place at a crematorium or burial site with the coffin present. A memorial is usually held afterwards, without the coffin, and can take place anywhere. A celebration of life can refer to either, and tends to describe the tone: more and more people want a ceremony that focuses on the life a person lived rather than the loss, which I wholeheartedly support. All three can be Humanist ceremonies.

Someone close to the person who has died has dementia, can they still be involved in the planning process?

If a family member you’d like me to speak with, is living with dementia, please let me know. I am a “Dementia Friend” and am happy to adapt the planning process to make sure everyone who wants to contribute is able to.

My loved one was trans. Can you make sure their identity is honoured at the ceremony?

I welcome and celebrate LGBTQIA+ families and ceremonies. For trans people in particular, I will always use the name and pronouns the person chose for themselves, and will work sensitively with families where there may be different understandings of who that person was.

What is included in a Humanist funeral ceremony?

A typical ceremony includes a welcome, tributes, a period of reflection, a committal (the moment of farewell when the body is formally committed to burial or cremation), and closing words.

Beyond that, the content is entirely shaped around the person who died.  Part of what I do is to discuss with you what feels right, both for the person we are recognising and those attending. You can include music, readings, poetry, significant objects, symbolic gestures, or anything else that feels right. No two ceremonies are the same.

Is it OK to have a hymn or a prayer in a non-religious ceremony?

Yes. It’s your ceremony. If a hymn or a prayer is meaningful to you or to the person who died, we can include it, although I would ask that someone else lead a prayer.  I believe that funerals are as much for the living as for the dead and should provide comfort to all.

How long will the ceremony last?

At a crematorium, time slots are typically around 30-45 minutes, which means a ceremony of around 20-35 minutes. Every crematorium is slightly different, so I will check with your funeral director to make sure we don’t run over. A double slot can be booked through your funeral director if you need more time.

At other venues, such as burial sites, woodland settings, or a location that was meaningful to the person who died, timing is much more flexible, and ceremonies can last from 30 minutes to an hour or more.

What is a direct cremation, and can I still have a ceremony?

A direct cremation is a cremation that takes place without a funeral service, usually shortly after death. It can be a practical choice, particularly when cost or logistics are a consideration.

A direct cremation does not mean forgoing a ceremony altogether. Many families choose to hold a memorial or celebration of life afterwards, which I can conduct anywhere: a pub, a garden, a park, or a location that meant something to the person who died. These rituals can be an important part of grief and acceptance: it’s never too late to gather together and say a proper goodbye.

Can family members and friends speak at the ceremony?

Yes, and I welcome their contributions. Many ceremonies include tributes from family and friends, and people are welcome to share their own words or read a poem. I am happy to suggest readings if that would help. I ask that anything to be read is shared with me in advance, both so I can be ready to step in if needed on the day, and so it can be included in the presentation copy of the script.

How much does a Humanist funeral ceremony cost?

My fee is £300, which covers a standard ceremony.  Travel is not included for ceremonies that are over 10 miles away. I’m happy to accommodate longer ceremonies, please get in touch to discuss.

To talk about a ceremony for a loved one, please get in touch.

 

I’ve adopted the Celebrant Accord, meaning that I measure myself against the attributes and skills defined in the Funeral Celebrant Accord.   You can read more about the Accord here.