If you have arrived at this page looking for a funeral celebrant, you may well be feeling like you’re in an emotional whirlwind. Planning the farewell of a significant person in your life isn’t likely to be easy, but I’m here to help in any way I can.

All humans are individual; we are all different, and yet we are all the same. Each of us has a unique life story. It is my role to take their story, incorporate their passions, their impact on those around them and to celebrate the life they lived. We can take their music; we can take their habits; we can take their times with other people and the special things they said – and didn’t say – and weave them all in to a story individual to them. This can all be aided through poems and readings, given either by me, you or anyone else at the ceremony.

There will be times for poignancy, for contemplation and remembering. There will also be times to smile, to remember the silly things, to remember the crazy things, to remember the odd things.

These ceremonies are a way for us to celebrate our humanity, where we mark the departure of a loved one, by creating something utterly unique that only that person’s life could have resulted in. Hopefully, if they could have been present, they would look and say “Yes, that’s me.”

Funerals, burials, memorials and ashes scatterings

I am able to assist and write ceremonies for all the following occasions. This guidance hopefully helps you understand what it is you would like me to plan. Every ceremony is unique, and may actually incorporate elements of all you read below. When you contact me, we will be able to define your requirements clearly and make sure the ceremony is exactly what the deceased would have liked it to be.

Funerals tend to have a coffin, or casket, present at the ceremony. The coffin may be marched into and out of the venue, or it could be in place before the mourners arrive. The coffin will normally form the centre of the ceremony and be clearly in the eyeline of those attending. Predominantly, the ceremony itself will be inside a venue, such as a crematorium. Part of the ceremony may also be outdoors, such as a burial at a cemetery.

Memorials tend not to have a coffin or casket present. The centrepiece of the ceremony may be ashes, a photograph or something significantly symbolic to the deceased. The reason for a memorial is most likely due to the fact that a cremation or burial for the deceased had to take place quickly with a minimum number of attendees. A memorial then allows a larger number of people to celebrate the life of the deceased in their own way. In the days of Covid 19, this is increasingly common. Indeed, some people are awaiting the end of lockdown to allow them to hold larger and more meaningful memorials than current rules allow. Locations for memorials are limited only by the imagination.

Ashes scatterings will almost certainly be outdoors, and tend to follow a memorial, but this may not always be the case. Indeed, a scattering may take place quite some time after a cremation, well separated from the funeral itself. With a scattering, it is important to check permissions for the location it will take place. It may be that scatterings are prohibited, or require a lengthy application process. Weather is also an important factor, especially any effect the wind could have. I am an avid sailor and mountaineer, I’d be more than willing to assist in the practical requirements for a scattering as well as the ceremony script itself.

Next steps

If you think I may be the right person for your ceremony, please contact me by any means you feel comfortable with. I am more than happy to take a telephone call, email or even some form of video call. This initial contact will hopefully confirm whether I am the celebrant you’re looking for.

If that is the case, we will then move onto a family meeting, which can take up to 2 hours depending on how much information you would like to give. In the current lockdown situation, we would almost certainly have to carry out the family meeting using digital means. I would be more than willing to help set this up if you wish, or just as happy to let you organise it; whichever you feel most comfortable with. Following this meeting, you would make a non-refundable deposit to allow me to book the date and write the first draft of the script. Depending upon the planned date of the ceremony, we would agree between us when the remainder of the fee would be paid. It may be that the script will require several revisions, which is part of the normal process and included in the fee. If there are any unusual elements to the ceremony that may attract higher fees, I will let you know straight away. Once we have agreed and finalised the script we will move to the ceremony itself. At the ceremony, as well as leading the ceremony, I will present you with a commemorative copy of the script for you to keep, along with anything else agreed beforehand.

A note on grief

Grief is a perfectly normal natural process. There is evidence across the animal kingdom of many species experiencing grief. There are many great books and other types of material showing the process of grief, but in my experience, the important part about grief is not to try to avoid it. I believe you should immerse yourself in the memories of your loved one. The good ones. The silly ones. The poignant ones. Grief isn’t something to be rushed, and nor is there a timescale. We don’t recover from grief, we just learn to live with the pain. This is the basis of humanist funerals, to celebrate the life lived and the memories experienced, to allow that immersion to take place and aide the recovery process for those left behind.