Bereavement Grief and Mourning
Resources that may help with Bereavement, Grief and Mourning
There are many resources to help with bereavement and here are just a few. I have tried to make a list of what’s available with a brief description
There are other comprehensive lists of organisations and resources. Two such websites that stand out are: Cruse and AtaLoss. See below
Please contact me if you find this page helpful or would like to suggest something to add (or any broken links)
All links are all coloured Blue
I am not an expert in any of the subjects covered on this page but I am always happy to be contacted about anything
Comments, suggestions, questions or just general observations are always welcome, or even if all you want is someone to write to in order to express your feelings – just email me (marriage proposals may be met with a polite rebuff)
mark.taylor@humanistceremonies.org.uk – I reply to all contacts
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Sections on this page
- Bereavement Grief and Mourning – what the words mean
- Guide to Probate – You may not be sure about the legal things that have to be done after someone has died; Probate; Registering the death; Who needs to be informed (officially) and how to go about it; The Will; The funeral; Dealing with the estate
- Books – Five books: One aimed at a more adult level and four recommendations for children and young people’s books at different age levels. There are lots of other books available as well but these are ones that I know about
Websites and Organisations
- A section on websites and organisations giving general help and advice on bereavement
- Links to organisations that provides support following suicide
- Organisations providing advice and support following miscarriage, stillbirth and neo-natal death, including Child death and help for young people
- A link to an organisation assisting with grief and substance abuse in the USA. Included because I have not seen an equivalent organisation here
- Links to religious organisations providing help and advice
- Podcasts – Podcasts which deal with Grief, Bereavement and Loss
- Deleting a Facebook Account or Creating a Memorial Page
- Mesothelioma – a list of organisations and websites devoted to helping those dealing with loss of someone to this particular form of lung cancer. This is split between UK sites and USA sites. The American sites are included because I have been contacted by these organisations who have found my website
Writing a Condolence Letter – A link to a page with useful advice (it’s right at the bottom of the page, so it may be easier to scroll down to the bottom rather than read through everything here!)
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Bereavement Grief and Mourning
Wild Flowers – Mark Taylor
Bereavement is a formal word that describes losing someone or something close to you. It doesn’t say anything about how you may feel but it is useful because it conveys a simple message to other people. They know that if you have been bereaved, you are likely to be sensitive and sad and that they may need to be sensitive in their approach to you. It is a useful word to use for an internet search for help.
Mourning is not a term that is often used now, in its formal sense, except when an important person dies and ‘Official Mourning’ is declared. To describe someone as ‘in mourning’ is unusual, but it is what is happening when someone close is lost and you are mourning that loss.
Grief is a journey but neither its route nor length are certain. Some people travel quickly along it and reach an end point that is good for them, others will continue the journey indefinitely; for everyone, it will bring about a change in the way that they see themselves and their lives. Everyone will reach some kind of understanding and everyone will progress along their journey through grief. It all takes time.
Many people feel that the funeral marks the point when they start on their journey through their changed situation in life, living without the person they loved but still loving them and missing them everyday.
I believe that the time I take with you and with the funeral that you are planning, is very important. I want to help you to get that journey started in the way that is best for you.
Grief is natural and unpredictable. Everyone is likely to grieve for a loss but everyone’s grief is unique to them and they will experience it in their own way. It may last weeks, months or years and there may come a point when you, or those around you may begin to wonder whether more professional help might be helpful. It is not a sign of failure to seek help, it is recognition of a need.
I hope that some of the information below may help some of you to grieve and to find relief, if that is what you are seeking.
You may find something here that helps you.
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This guide lists the legal aspects of dealing with a death. If you are not experienced in these things, there are details of everything that needs to be done and how to go about it
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Books
Books for Adults
I can recommend one book that several people have told me about and that has helped them.
The Grief Handbook – Bridget McNulty
This book has helped several people I know through very difficult times. It is informal and very accessible. It is not too expensive and I have copies that I give to anyone I think may really benefit from having it.
It is not a book that is intended to be read from beginning to end, it is the sort to dip into and find something that helps.
The Grief Handbook, Bridget McNulty, Watkins Publishing (watkinspublishing.com)
ISBN: 978-1-78678-534-3 (Paperback)
ISBN: 978-1-78678-535-0 (eBook)
Books for Children
I came across these two books, both written by Claire Shaw, specially for children coping with bereavement.
Love Will Never Die – Claire Shaw
The first book: Love Will Never Die is written for younger children and, amongst other activities, helps them to build up a resource of special things.
There are also things to help them at school and that their school might use to assist as well. In fact, it may the the school that will wish to initiate this and liaise with the family.
ISBN-10 : 0995759634
ISBN-13 : 978-0995759633
For teenagers and adolescents, bereavement can be especially hard because it adds another burden of emotion to an already difficult period. A time when they may have conflicting emotions about themselves, their friends, family and, although they might not admit it, their understanding of death.
A Mind Full of Grief – Claire Shaw
A Mind Full of Grief is written for young people in this age group. Like Claire’s book for younger children, it does not have a linear narrative and includes resources and simple advice, presented in a way that is aimed to be accessible and written at their level.
It is; ‘Filled with practical and honest information but without overloading.’
ISBN-10 : 0995759626
ISBN-13 : 978-0995759626
There is more information to be found on the CS Children’s Books website:
https://cskidsbooks.com/bereavement/
A lovely little book that is intended for very young children – 3-7 years old. ‘Where are you Lydie‘ by Emma Poore, is intended for parents to use the with their child, possibly following the loss of a baby or young child.
Where Are You Lydie? – Emma Poore
The author says;
Where are you Lydie?’ is a special picture book, sensitively written and illustrated for children between 3 and 7 years old. It is a facilitative story and guide for young children and their parents to explore death and bereavement together and to start those difficult conversations, or explore the questions that may come up after the death of a baby, in a safe and inspiring space.
Grandparents, Teachers, Caring Support Professionals and friends can also share the story as a platform for exploration too.
ISBN-10 1916233309
ISBN-13 978-1916233300
Badger’s Parting Gifts – Susan Varley
I don’t think that I can conclude this children’s book section with mentioning Badger’s Parting Gifts. It is now more than thirty-five years since this book by Susan Varley was published. It has been used by schools and families for many years and that it is still in print shows how important a book it remains.
It was one of the first books aimed at younger children and how the death of someone close may affect them. It provides a way of approaching death and broaching the subject, particularly that of an older person in their life, possibly a grandparent.
ISBN-10 : 1849395144
ISBN-13 : 978-1849395144
Websites are presented below but here is a link to Child Bereavement UK
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Websites and Organisations
General Help and Advice on Bereavement
Cruse Bereavement Support and its counterpart Cruse Bereavement Care Scotland are the United Kingdom’s largest bereavement charity, providing free care and bereavement counselling
This organisation also has a very good Signposting Page with a much more comprehensive list than mine.
An organisation that aims to bring together resources and organisations working with bereaved people. It has training, arranges conferences and provides free support material. Their Grief Support Guide is a free, downloadable booklet, which can be copied and reprinted. It covers many different aspects of bereavement support with an extremely comprehensive list of organisations for everything concerned with dealing with, making arrangements afterwards and coping with a death.
A rich resource of information and links to resources about any kind of loss. It covers bereavement but also other non-death related issues, such as divorce. This could be the starting point for many people with practical advice on everything.
NHS Advice on Grief and Bereavement
Good, sound, straightforward advice from the NHS. It is an excellent starting point for anyone with a lot of good pointers to other sources of help
A splendid website for a charity that has as one of its straplines ‘… run by the bereaved for the bereaved’. It is informal and covers almost every aspect of bereavement. Available in many different languages.
Marie Curie Advice and Help with Grief and Bereavement
A very comprehensive website, which is exactly what you might expect from this organisation. Some very useful links to other organisations and places. An excellent starting point for someone who feels that they might need extra help to cope with their feelings
Help Guide.org – Coping with Bereavement and Loss
A very comprehensive website covering almost every aspect of bereavement, loss and grief in all their forms. It has information that is relevant to both Britain and the United States, as well as other countries
Nelson’s Journey – Helping Young People to cope with Bereavement
This Norwich based charity is dedicated to helping young people in Norfolk cope with the loss of someone close to them. Although its remit is local, there is helpful information and resources that may be useful beyond that area
This lovely simple page has some questions and answers about your feelings presented in a very accessible way. It has advice and it has some really useful directions to help you.
Other useful links on the Mind website;
https://www.mind.org.uk/search-results/?q=grief#stq=grief&stp=1
https://www.mind.org.uk/search-results/?q=grief#stq=bereavement&stp=1
MacMillan Cancer Support – Cancer information and support. Supporting someone. Coping with bereavement
Basic information about grief and bereavement on a very comprehensive website concerning all aspects of cancer
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Bereavement and Suicide
Papyrus is an organisation aimed at suicide prevention, especially amongst young people. The work of the organisation also provides support for those who have been affected by someone close to them taking their own life
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide is an organisation dedicated to helping those affected by a suicide. It has a helpline and local support groups with many other resources.
There is now a special section for police officers, who are often the first to arrive at the scene and have to talk to family members, all of which can have a profound effect on them
The very well-known organisation, originally set up to try to prevent suicide but now with much broader aims and very helpful for anyone who is troubled by their situation, including bereavement
Dandelions in the Field – Mark Taylor
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Child Death and Help for Young People
This is almost always a particularly intense and emotional event and the grief that follows can be devastating for all involved; parents, siblings, grandparents and even professionals who may be involved
An organisation providing support for both parents and children affected by the death of a child
See also the links available for schools on the ‘Useful Links and Bereavement Resources for Schools‘ on the next tab where there are links to age appropriate resources for primary and secondary schools
A signposting site that gives help in a number of different ways but, most importantly enables you to find support groups that are local to you
Petals is a charity dedicated to helping families who have experienced the loss of a baby. They provide counselling and support, as well as other services. There are links for parents and special groups for grandparents and other family members
This is part of Cruse but the website and links are specifically aimed at assisting young people coping with bereavement and grief
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Neonatal Death and Miscarriage
The feelings that surround neonatal death, stillbirth and miscarriage can be just as intense as those felt from other types of bereavement.
I can speak from some personal experience. At the distance in time from which I can look back, it’s quite hard to say how useful the services offered by these organisations would have been to us, although I’m sure they would have helped. What I do remember is that, as a couple, many people seemed to expect that we would just smile, forget about it and carry on and that, as a man, I wasn’t really expected to have any feelings about it at all – not at all helpful.
Thankfully, things have moved on, more help is available and more people understand the feelings that surround these events and are able to talk a little more freely. I’m sure that there are still things that could be improved.
The Old Flooded Bridge through the Trees – Mark Taylor
Stillbirth Bereavement – Tommy’s
This is a very special kind of bereavement and it can evoke some very different sorts of feelings from other types of loss. This is a good place to look at for help in such situations
Some simple and useful advice, with a lot of support and the potential for more support through the Net mums community
Just like Stillbirth, grief from miscarriage can be very intense and different from other types of loss. Although it is very common, it is still your loss and is no less tough to get through
Miscarriage Grief Support – NHS
There is support about grieving after miscarriage and sound practical advice about the health and other effects. Links to useful organisations
All sorts of advice and support on miscarriage
Stillbirth and Neonatal Death. A very comprehensive webpage for an organisation that offers a great deal of support and advice
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Grief and Substance Abuse
This is a United States website and organisation linked to one of the largest hospital groups in Florida (Baptist Health Florida). Amongst other things, they specialise in substance abuse which may be linked with grief and bereavement. The first page is a very good standalone page for Grief and Bereavement. Although the contacts are all United States, there is a text support service.
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Links to Religious Organisations Providing Bereavement Support
You might not expect to find links to religious organisations on a Humanist website. However, no-one is immune to grief and everyone has to find their own path through grief and mourning. I am not an evangelical Humanist and I know that everyone’s understanding of the world is different, so I don’t have a problem with adding these links.
I haven’t found it easy to discover very much for religious people looking for specific help and guidance, so it would be good if anyone could point me in the right direction.
A non-denominational website that gives Christian based support for the bereaved and the dying
Methodist Church – Key Resources on Bereavement
As the title of the page suggests, there is a list and links to other pages and organisations. There are links to other parts of the Methodist Church website dealing with more specific aspects of bereavement and how to interpret these from a religious standpoint.
Church of England – Pages on Grief and Bereavement
I may be doing the Church of England a disservice but I found it hard to find any pages that were specifically devoted to bereavement and grieving. However, there are a number of pages available for ministers and advice about funerals. Some websites that have been set up by particular churches and diocese. Perhaps someone may be able to correct my assumptions.
Baptist Union – Bereavement and Grief
This website is more for individual churches, rather than for individuals seeking help. It is a collection of resources to help churches assist people through the ministry of that church. Like the Church of England, there seems to be very little devoted to helping individuals seeking help for themselves.
A site devoted to supporting Muslim women who have lost a loved one. I cannot find whether there is an equivalent site to support Muslim men
Islamic Guidance – Bereavement and Grief
There are a number of pages devoted to this, unfortunately they don’t all seem to be linked to each other. If you search using the phrase; ‘Islamic guidance on bereavement and grief’ you will find quite a few other pages.
https://quranacademy.io/blog/practical-ways-to-deal-with-pain-and-grief-in-islam/
This page is about the rules of the faith concerning how to grieve, for how long and other guidance;
https://www.econdolence.com/learning-center/religion-and-culture/islam/islam-periods-of-mourning/
Jewish Bereavement Counselling Service
As the name suggests, this is a site for providing counselling services specifically for those of Jewish faith
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Grief and Bereavement Podcasts
Many people find that information supplied in the form of podcasts can be helpful for many different causes. There are a number of podcasts which deal with Grief, Bereavement and Loss. Here are some websites which have compiled lists of these:
Irish Hospice Foundation Index of Podcasts
Cruse Bereavement Care Index of Podcasts
Grief Works – Julia Samuel on Apple Podcasts
There are many others – Search for ‘Podcasts on Grief and Loss/Bereavement’
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How to Delete a Facebook Account after someone has died
Here is a link to a Blog post that I created which may help you with carrying this out. It also gives information about how you can ‘Memorialise’ a Facebook page:
Deleting a Facebook Account or Creating a Memorial Page
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Mesothelioma Bereavement Resources
Mesothelioma is a very particular type of cancer that has a specific but unfortunately common cause – exposure to
Hill in the Cheviots – Mark Taylor
asbestos. Whilst this is much more tightly controlled in Britain and many other countries, including the United States, a large number of people are still affected through exposure in the past. This makes these links relevant today.
I have been asked by a number of support groups in the United States to include links to their organisations on this webpage. I have included ones that appear to be useful.
The links are to information about Mesothelioma and Bereavement both in Britain and the United States. The organisations in the United States have some information that may be pertinent only to the United States. However, other things contained here may also be very helpful in other countries.
UK Resources
https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/mesothelioma
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/mesothelioma/
USA Resources
This is a section containing links to a number of organisations in the United States. Principally, they are for mesothelioma support but I have also added a link to a ‘Guide to Selling a House After the Death of a Loved One.’
Pleural Mesothelioma Center – Mesothelioma Support
Asbestos.Com – Coping with the Loss of a Loved One to Mesothelioma
Mesothelioma.Net – Grief and Mourning
Mesothelioma Lawyer Center – Assistance with mesothelioma death related legal claims for compensation
Seniors and Mesothelioma – Information on mesothelioma and older people, how it is more likely to occur in older people and information about claiming compensation, with the assistance of the law firm who have produced this page. There are links to branches across the United States.
Mesothelioma Life Expectancy – This is a bit of a ‘no holds barred’ description of the disease and your life-expectancy. Whilst you probably know your prognosis, this explains it in a fairly blunt manner – not for the squeamish! The site is maintained by a law firm who specialise in mesothelioma claims, which may be helpful if you are in need of legal representation
Selling a House After Death of a Loved One – A United States step-by-step guide to selling a house after a death. It has a lot of American terminology that may only apply in that country. There may also be variations according to the local State Laws
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Writing a Condolence Letter
Even if you have no idea what else to do, sending a card or letter to a bereaved person can be a lovely thing to do. If someone has lost their partner, parent, child or very good friend, it can leave them feeling very alone and abandoned.
This webpage from Co-operative Funerals gives some guidance and ideas to help you compose and write what can be a very difficult letter or short note. It suggests things to say and things to avoid saying too!
Ask me for advice or assistance
I am always happy to answer any questions you may have about ceremonies or arrangements.
Ask me anything and I will do my best to help and advise – I have been asked some strange and interesting questions over the years and I always do my best to answer them. Please contact me by telephone or email.
Mobile: 07779 187384
Home: 01543 264602
email: mark.taylor@humanistceremonies.org.uk
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